F Is for Fiona

"OK Jeff, you're surprised. Shocked even. But apart from family and some doctors you're the first person I've ever said this to."

"Why?"

I didn't know what he meant. Why was I a transsexual, or why was I telling him? In either case he obviously deserved a lot more details, and I began to explain, about my tranny leanings as a youngster, suppressing my real thoughts in my early working life, and finally the realisation a couple of years ago that I really should face up to it, and do something about it.

As I spoke - I went on for nearly half an hour, Jeff butted in with questions about some aspects of what I was telling him. I was relieved - he HAD been the person to consult, or rather to tell, he was taking it seriously. Eventually I paused.

"So, Fred. I'm going to have to get used to calling you 'Fiona' am I?"

"Is that the only problem you can see?" I asked him rather incredulously.

"Fred, I've known you for years. Not as well as I'd thought in some ways, I really have never ever thought anything like this was going on in your life. But I know you stick to your guns. Doggedly. And I also know you wouldn't be telling me all this if you didn't trust me to reply honestly. I suppose I'm flattered you think that of me. But if you're going ahead you will have my full support, in whatever way I can help. So just let me know what you want."

I stood up, actually to fetch us a couple more drinks. I thought we needed them.

"But if you're going to kiss me, forget it!" he said.

And then grinned widely. I did get the drinks and we sat down again.

"So, Fred. You've never married. Are you gay, or bisexual? Is that a factor here?"

Only Jeff would have asked me a question like that in such a way. I paused a moment.

"Either 'not really' or 'I don't know'. Take your pick, the jury is still out on that. Despite all the questions from doctors and therapists I really am not sure. I am certainly a woman. I've got my gender totally clear in my own mind, though I'm not at all convinced about my sexuality. And that is very odd."