Narrative Messages Part 1

She has developed several "stratagems" for exposing herself, as if by accident. Her boldest is to lose her entire dress while wearing neither bra nor panties beneath this outer garment so that she is "stripped bare, showing my tits, ass, and male genitals!" In confessing her fondness of employing this tactic, the narrator divulges yet another motive for her exhibitionism. She is too afraid to come out as a transsexual, despite her desire to be honest about who-and what-she is: "My secret would be known!
Everyone who knew me would know the truth about me-that I wasn't the woman I appeared to be-that I was, in reality, a man with breasts-a chick with a dick-a shemale! Wherever I went, whether to work, to a party, out to dinner, or shopping, friends and strangers alike would know that, despite my beautiful, made-up face, my long tresses, my petite frame, my bouncing breasts, my sleek, tapering legs, and my womanly ass, I had a penis and testicles!" She wants to be honest; she wants to be true to herself. Thinking that she might have been videotaped by a news crew while employing this tactic, she has mixed feelings about her potential exposure on the nightly news: at first horrified by the thought, she then finds the possibility "a relief, actually, to no longer have to hide the truth about myself to family members, friends, and acquaintances. At last, I could be who I am, I thought. I could be myself-my true self. I could be me."

When her naked image is shown during the news that night, and she is revealed for what she is beneath her feminine clothes-a shemale-she realizes that outing herself has always been an unconscious motive on her part for her exhibitionism: " I realized that maybe this is what I'd wanted all along. Maybe I had wanted the world to know my secret. I hit the "Pause" button, freezing my transsexual image on my TV screen as I considered a startling idea. Maybe that was what had motivated me to exhibit myself, piecemeal, as it were, showing now my nipples, now my breasts, now my womanly buttocks, and, finally, my cock and balls along with everything else.