Who's The Sissy Now?

Like many people, I was bullied in school. I was small, slender and effeminate and, as a result, was often called gay, queer, fag and sissy by school bullies. The fact that what they said was sort of true just made it closer to the bone and more painful to hear. Like many teenage boys, I was going through something of an identity crisis surrounding my body and my blossoming sexuality. The feelings that I had always had as a child that me being a boy wasn't quite right were now increasingly pronounced. Of course, under the circumstances, this just made me more embarrassed and insecure, I was so different from the other boys and the way that they teased me about my girlishness made me feel that it was somehow a terribly wrong way to feel.

As would be normal in a young girl my age, had I only been born a girl, I was also starting to look at boys and feel new urges and desires for them. One boy in particular drew my attention and that of many of the girls at school. Greg Ellis was the school's star athlete and had a toned, trim, muscular physique to match. He also had a cocky, arrogant streak that just made the girls want him more. He knew he was good looking and knew that all he had to do was turn his attention on a girl and she'd do anything for him. He was also the very worst bully of the lot of them. Like many good looking, tough guys, he felt a need to assert his masculinity and his dominance over the other guys at school and he mostly did this by putting down any of the easier to pick on kids.

I don't know whether he chose me as the brunt of his worst behaviour because he sensed the way I looked at him, the way I lusted over him when he wasn't looking, my shy glances like those of so many of the girls. Whatever the reason, if he wanted someone to sling insults at to impress people or boost his own self esteem, it was usually me he called a dirty fag or a sissy. The whole class joining in to try and impress him, pushing me around and teasing me about my pathetic girlishness was bad enough, but for it to be the boy I so wanted to like me that was doing it was especially painful to me.